All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
