ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
