I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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