she was so not down for the gang bang
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize