We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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