sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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