Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
