Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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