the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she told me i tasted like america
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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