So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Welp...herpes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
