Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
