Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
