You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
