Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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