someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
