Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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