After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
