If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
