She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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