I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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