I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
