I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
