you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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