Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
