pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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