BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
