I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
