She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
