billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
