The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
