He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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