I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize