Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
