We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
