WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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