at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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