apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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