P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
