Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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