sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
