After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
accomplished twins. life is a go
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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