i just made my gag reflex go away.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
