Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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