so explain again why im purple
no
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
