What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
