Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
