does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
