sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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