my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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