We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize