if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
