i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
