Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize