it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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