he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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