I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
