I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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