once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
