Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
