My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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