i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
