Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize