Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
