i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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